Misadventures of the trailing spouse: Bike tales of doom.

In the book, Expert Expat: Your Guide to Successful Relocation Abroad, the authors dedicate a whole chapter to the particular needs and trials of the "trailing spouses": those partners of the internationally employed who get to come along for the ride, but often have a far harder time adjusting. While the working spouse's life may make sense and even be similar to life in the home country, his or her partner might not yet have all of the bases covered to aid in building a home and a life in a new place. Some dear friends of ours gave both of us this book this past spring, but especially pointed out the candor and relevance of the chapter on trailing spouses. I've needed that relevance and candor this week. I am still loving it here, enjoying the new experiences, and could not ask for a better teammate, but rather than sharing all the wonderful things, today I will share highlights of this week's misadventures.

In very brief form this week has been:

• Full of me not being able to talk to anyone (like at all, not even, like, "hello! beautiful morning, isn't it?" or answer the cashier's "would you like a receipt?" ) because I am cripplingly unable to speak Dutch.
• Full of meeting Owen's department which was delightful and a pleasure but also included one member of his faculty asking me, "what will you do to amuse yourself while you're here in Leiden? Cook delicious meals for Owen?"  (I do plan on cooking and eating many delicious meals with Owen, but I would rather it not be thought of as my occupation.)
• Full of people being surprised and delighted when they find out "oh you can work!" only to ask what I plan to do. I have no idea. I just got used to the idea of not "working" for money, so that I could do research, and creative projects. I haven't really had a chance to re-adjust myself and think up an entirely new plan.
• Full of attempting to get a bank account and having difficulty for stupid reasons (1. "You need photocopies of all these documents.  No, you may not use our photocopier over there." 2. Owen made photocopies! Forgot to print scans of our passports. 3. The bank is closed Saturday, Sunday, and Monday?)
• Full of trying to buy regular rolled oats so I can make granola that Owen can eat only to find I've bought rolled four-grain cereal including rolled wheat. 
• Full of getting lost walking in the hot sun, and not knowing how to use the bus system.
• Full of even getting together with a couple of friendly ladies from church only to remember that making friends takes time, and that building friendships—like learning a language, or getting a map of a city inside your head—takes time and effort, and isn't instantaneous. 

This week has also been the week of the bike. THE WEEK OF THE BIKE. In my previous post I mentioned that everyone bikes in Leiden and that it's much safer than pretty much anywhere else in the world, and that the roads even have stoplights for the bikes. I did not mention that I personally have only biked about half a dozen times in my life, and two of those times involved spectacular, bloody crashes—over the handlebars, still bear the scars-style crashes. Other vivid experiences with bikes involved taking a dear friend to the ER after a bike accident, or hearing about NYC biking with car doors opened in loved one's faces. I did not mention that I am terrified of biking. 

So here I am in Leiden, haven't been on a bike in half my life, (the last time I was thirteen or so and fell over an embankment and sliced open my leg on the pedal) in a country where two year olds with training wheels are laughed at, and where no one wears helmets. Owen and I go off to buy a bike, and though I delay all morning long, the afternoon finds us walking just around the corner to Budget Bike to see what we can find. We have an agonizing terrible Dutch/terrible English conversation and figure out what we are looking for. One of the workers suggest a bike which fits our price range, which looks big, but they start at lowering the seat. Once lowered they take it out to the street (yes, street with cars) and I teeter onto it and try to press on the pedals while getting any of my body onto the seat and fail. The worker makes a face, says something like "more small" and goes to lower the seat again. After this attempt it is STILL too tall for my short body, and I am feeling seriously embarrassed. Surely, if I were a better biker I could ride a bike without it needing to be low enough for my toe-tips to touch the ground. The store owner comes out and insists the bike is plenty small and tries to get me going on it. I wobble like crazy in several different attempts to start biking, and he looks very surprised (disgusted?) and says something like "Oh! beginner!" and suggests we go to his other store on the other side of town where there is much more selection.

So on to bike store number two! Owen walks his bike alongside mine, assuming that we will ride back together. At this point, I am so terrified and humiliated that the idea of calmly biking home together seems a wholly unrealistic fantasy, but I go along. I think to myself, "I must get a bike today, if I want to get a bike with Owen along for moral support." I am in grave need of moral support. When we get to the second "Budget Bike" we are disheartened by the bikes boasting "low prices" of three or four times as much as we were hoping to spend. We are not looking for a bike for me to travel across Europe on. When I get to that stage, we can trade in whatever beginner bike we get, and get something cushier, faster, with more gears. I'm just looking for a no frills bike, a bike just for now. The employee at this shop speaks much more English, and shows us the upstairs of the store where all the kids' bikes and discount adult bikes are stored. What joy! What excitement! We look at several bikes, one is purple with a basket, but has Minnie mouse on the decor... One is burgundy, just the color of my old car, but only has front wheel brakes—Owen says those are the ones more likely to flip you over the handlebars. And then we see this one. A blue and yellow bike with tough kid details, a bike clearly designed and marketed for a 10 year old boy, but a bike which fits me beautifully, and on which I feel more safe than I've felt on two wheels. It is exactly the price we had budgeted, and it seems meant for me. 

Out on the street my fears return, so Owen and I walk our bikes to some quiet streets so I can get my bearings. When I anticipated my own biking fears I had told myself. "There are no hills. You don't need to worry about getting out of control. The whole country is at sea level." All true! Except, alas, the city of Leiden is full of canals, and with the canals come sudden and steep little bridges. Over my first bridge as I crested and started the chase down the other side I became very aware of the narrow street, the bumpy brick pavement and the absolute lack of any kind of railing between me and the waters of the canal. I saw my life flash before my eyes, especially the bike-crashing parts of my life, and remembered how very dangerous it is to jump (or fall) into the canals because they are full of bikes. WHY ARE THE CANALS FULL OF BIKES??? Are they the bikes of perished riders? no, no. Bikes with only one bike lock. While everyone has a lock on their bike to prevent a thief from riding (locking up the wheel), not everyone uses a chain to attach the bike to an unmovable object. As a prank, college students like to throw the unchained bikes into the canals late at night. Would my sweet little blue bike become one of the canal bikes? No! I pulled myself together, used my brakes (both front and rear) and slowed it to a comfortable coast—staying well away from the canal—and as I came up to Owen I shouted, "I am still alive!"

That's all for today, friends. Stay tuned next time for tales of birthday celebrations, of museum explorations, and hopefully of us finally getting a Dutch bank account.

Wait, no-- not Neverland, the Netherlands!

Owen and I live in Leiden now! I’m going to share this week’s highlights in words, no pictures of our own yet, but never fear, I plan on buying batteries for the camera tomorrow, so you should all have pictures to your heart’s content. If you feel like skimming, please do, I’ll make big headings in all caps so you can skip to the parts you most want to read.

THE TRAVELING

Despite our burden of four suitcases, a violin and a backpack, we got through Washington DC Dulles airport and its security with great ease, our flights were on time, comfortable and without incident. We flew Iceland Air, and found the assault of advertisements for Iceland and its many tourist attractions pretty charming. Though the promises of beauty and wonder at the Iceland landscape seemed like photoshopped hyperbole, flying over the green-green volcanic landscape as the sun rose (too early!) after our overnight flight took my breath away. Even the grassy area next to the runway seemed otherworldly, all craggy and moorish, not level fields of grass or concrete like I would have expected. Stopping over in Iceland also had the unexpected perk of relieving us of the trial of going through customs. While walking through the airport in Iceland we at one point had to show our passports at a window where we were asked no questions and did not need to wait in line, and once we got to Amsterdam were very surprised to find that that was in fact all that was necessary, since we had nothing to declare. So our passports hold stamps from Iceland, but not Netherlands. At least not yet. Our new bags sturdy and easy to find, and after a quick trainride to Leiden, our landlady kindly picked us up from the trainstation in her car and drove us to our new home.

THE APARTMENT

For those of you who haven’t heard our apartment search saga, I will cut to the happy ending. Two weeks before our flight we still had nowhere to live when involved a department email announcing an apartment for rent (now through December) came to our hungry inboxes. We responded immediately, and have been delighted to find both the woman renting her apartment, and the apartment itself a joy and answer to prayer. We have two floors of a narrow section of a building. Living room, WC and kitchen on the 1st floor (not to be confused the the ground floor), and bedroom, bathroom and guest bedroom (!) with a balcony on the second. The whole apartment is beautiful, full of sunlight, books, nice dishes, beautiful furniture, fresh air, and all and all much nicer than we will likely have come January. You’ll hear snippets about the apartment in the other sections, as much of our activity this week involved unpacking, dealing with jetlag, and stocking our kitchen.

The tiny street we live on is small enough that cars are not allowed, just bikes, and nearly all the walls lining the brick road are brick as well, including our place which completes the picture with a bright green door. Typical residents of the street seem to include a local cat, laughing neighbors, and a great many plants and flower baskets.

GROCERY SHOPPING

We have been grocery shopping every day except Sunday since our arrival, covering 4 grocery stores all on foot, the furthest a mere .75 miles from our apartment. The closest (and the biggest) grocery store is a mere 3 short blocks away, complete Gluten Free section, fantastically delicious dairy products, and an amazing orange juice machine. I noticed it first from the fresh citrus smell wafting its way over to us as we looked at potatoes. The whole machine is clear plastic, with slightly whimsical machinery, and to either side of the machine are various sized empty bottles. When the lever is pressed above the spigot, oranges roll down a shoot, get sliced in half, crushed, squeezed, and the juice flows into your bottle. It’s pretty incredible, and I’m not sure I’ve ever had orange juice that delicious.

RESIDENT PERMITS

We took a trip to Rijswijk (30 minutes by train) to pick up our resident permits. I find out after scanning my card, and both Owen and I searching the internet to translate all the stipulations that I can in fact, work for money! My permit is still contingent on Owen’s, so if something happens to him, I’d need to quit my job and leave the country, but I had assumed from faulty information that I wouldn’t be able to work, and now have new opportunities open to me. As it is I’m pretty excited about my original plan of working on research, writing and sending in abstracts to every conference concerning Shakespeare in Europe, with some chamber music, and YouTube videos of finger puppets on the side. But now that actual employment is a possibility, I’m excited for that as well. Also the resident permit cards are shiny and pastel colored and the most techincally advanced ID cards I’ve seen.

TECHNICALITIES

We had a day of much paperwork--heading to the University to meet the HR representative with whom we’d been corresponding all summer, getting papers from her, and heading to the bank in homes of setting up a Dutch bank account, only to leave with still more paperwork, and we have another meeting at go to at Town Hall on Wednesday to deliver even more paperwork. The government has just changed some of its regulations which is great in many ways, (now I can work!) but it means that the people at the University helping us don’t know the new procedures. So, still paying cash for everything for now, only one bike between us as of yet, and no phones yet either.  

CHURCH

This morning Owen and I walked to an incredibly welcoming and homey international English speaking church. Not only is it full of people who love Jesus and want to serve God in this world, it’s full of people inviting us to join small groups, offering to put us in touch with people for job opportunities, and just happy to answer an email with questions about transitioning to Dutch life. When greeting us, one woman expressed that she hoped we’d “feel right at home here,” and we absolutely did.

IMPRESSIONS

What makes this place Dutch? So far I’ve been very impressed by the elements of design and engeneering even in basic stuff of life. I’ll give you examples from the kitchen and from the layout of the streets. Our kitchen is much smaller than many American kitchens, but the sink has a big heavy cutting board shaped so that it fits snugly right into the space of the sink creating more counter space. Not only that, but the oven has a heavy glass backspash which is not only stylish and conveniently easy to clean, but also folds down over the stove (when not in use) for still more space to work. So the problem of “too little counter space” evaporates with a simple, elegant solution. In the intersections of the streets in Leiden-- which are, of necessity complicated because bikes and cars typically have separate lanes on busy streets and the lanes often have raised medians between them, you end up with a single intersection having twelve traffic lights--cars, bikes and pedestrian crossing lights in each of the four directions. However, the lightposts are set up in such a way in coordination with the stoppinglines that it is very difficult to see any light except the one intended for you. As a result, the intersections are easy to cross safely, quickly and with confidence. These are both simple ideas, but executed with such deft skill, I am wondering why the US hasn’t been copying them more.

PARTING DESCRIPTION

We’ve been walking a lot so I have had a great view of the city, and feel more at home every day. Walking down one street I saw four bookstores, two of them looking to be exclusively children’s bookstores. The streets are lined with their narrow buildings all squished up together, their tops all steep pointed and stairstepped peaks with orange tiled roofs. They’re not just brick houses, but brickwork laid as a thing of beauty, an historic craft, not just walls put up in some sort of hurry. Brick streets (often with a simple contrast-colored brick every four feet to indicate a bike lane), lined with fresh green trees. Canals everywhere full of restaurant boats, pleasure boats, crew boats, kayaks, houseboats, boats of all kinds, and bridges everywhere crossing them. And bikes everywhere. Bikes in staggering numbers parked at the trainstation. Bikes with babyseats attached to the handlebars, a couple riding a bike together, a (I kid you not) Dominos’ pizza bike with a delivery trailer behind it. Bikes painted with tulips. Bikes with baskets full of flowers. A bike with four suitcases strapped onto it. This place is beautiful, and I’m so glad we made it at last.

Pictures of our own coming soon!

Board Games anyone?

On our wedding registry, Owen and I asked for several games, and received even more than we asked for. Since the games are pretty fantastic, and since many people have not heard of a lot of these board games I thought I would review some of our favorite games. Some are strategy games, some are speed games, some are played with tiles or cards or boards or trains or bunnies. Feel free to skip about.

Dixit was a surprise to us for our wedding. We had never heard of it but now that we know it, we love it.  It's fun, not too long and has all that whimsical fairy tale art. The game is sort of similar to Apples to Apples and Balderdash, but I'd say more fun than either (though unlike those games, it's not a game for a large party). The active player chooses a picture card from his hand, and says outloud a clue for the picture which is vague, but not too vague. The other players look in their cards and find a picture from their hands which could also fit with that clue. When all of the players have chosen cards, the chosen cards are shuffled and revealed, and all the players (except the active player) vote. But here's the catch. If the clue is too specific, like "Cello lady" for the first card below, all the players will vote for it and the active player gets no points. If the clue is too unrelated, something like "title" no one will vote for the active players card and the active player will still get no points. But, if the clue is just right, a little-but not too- vague, some but not all players will vote for it, and then the active player will get points. It's really fun and beautiful and it uses a totally different sort of intelligence than other strategy games.

 
Ticket to Ride is also pretty fantastic. I've played the (regular?) America version, but the one we got was the Europe edition. Both are excellent, and the rules are pretty much identical. Few minor changes on the Europe edition (makes it feel like they tried to improve on the earlier version, and it seems like they did a good job.) It's a game you can have real conversations over because everyone's game play is pretty independent, and each turn is very short. My housemates and I played it for the first time a reunion weekend with some friends from undergrad, and over that weekend I think I played the game five times. It was just a great game to play while interacting, while other games are much more attention dominating. DixIt for instance IS your interaction while you are playing it, but Ticket to Ride is just as involved as you want it to be. Stay focused on your train routes and it will be a quicker game, but if you get all into your discussions about educational reform while playing? The game should still only take about an hour.

I think that most people know about Settlers of Catan at this point: a strategy game where you build settlements, barter for resources, hope for the right rolls of the dice so that you can get enough wheat to support your next settlement. It's a really nice blend of skill and luck, and though the turns are not short, everyone can participate in everyone else's turn (in a way that older games like Monopoly totally lacked). It has become a classic, and is played throughout the world. If you don't know it, ask a few friends, someone you know probably has it, and they'd almost certainly be thrilled to play it with you.

For those of you who already know and love Settlers,  7 Wonders is similar to Settlers, but... all boiled down. The rules are simple once you understand all the pieces and symbols, etc, but pretty scary when you first start. However, when everyone knows how to play, it's a quick game- 30 to 45 minutes, typically. There's a "Watch It Played" video on youtube for 7 wonders which is long (about half an hour) but will teach you the rules so well that you will be able to play the game after watching it. And if you still don't feel comfortable, you can watch the subsequent videos of the dad and his kids playing together, stopping to explain along the way. Also it can be played with only two players, a real plus for couples. Also, it is one of the most beautiful board games I've ever played. I really like it, and hope more people find out about it. When you get your hands on a copy you'll be rather impressed by the wallpaper of awards on all sides of the box. It just swept the international board game awards, and with good reason.

Apples to Apples is another one we received, and love. It's especially good for large parties or when people are getting to know one another. This game is an American game, I believe, so I think more people know about it than some of the German ones. I've also seen the cards re-purposed for hilarious photo shoots?

Other games I've played once or twice but really liked are Bang, Metro, Citadels, Caylus, etc. Ones which are smaller (in price, size, time commitment, etc.) which we really like are IZZI (more of a puzzle than a board game), Tantrix, Set, Flux, Quiddler, Timeline-we have the "Diversity" version. I'll tell you a little about a few of them:

Set- It has its own sets of cards with patterns and symbols and it's a game of organization and quick thinking. I love it. Quick, smart, fun. Easy to learn and play without getting repetitive, and good for kids too.

Quiddler - also a game played with cards by the makers of Set, this one feels like the doubly blessed child of scrabble and gin rummy. I like it better than both of its parents, and it's portable, fun, and easy to play.

Flux - this game is a wild little thing. Much like Calvin Ball (from Calvin and Hobbes), this game's rules and goals change constantly with the cards the player choose and lay down. The goals are goofy things like "melted chocolate" -both the "sunshine" and "chocolate" cards need to be in play- and the rules are full of funny details if "it's a holiday or anybody's birthday take an extra card." Again, just played with it's own little deck of cards. If the regular version seems too run-of-the-mill for you, the cards also come in many varieties such as Oz and Pirates.

How about all of you? What games have I missed? What games do you like?

Birthday Cake

When my mom grew up in Nigeria she lived most months at a boarding school. The cooks would make cake (any kind of cake) for the whole school whenever one of the children had a birthday, and since there were about 300 students... that was most days, (sometimes two or three flavors a day), and chocolate cakes were frequent. For decades afterwards my mom had never tasted a chocolate cake that really tasted chocolate-y and good like the chocolate cakes she had in Nigeria, until she happened to try this recipe from the side of a baking chocolate box. It has two eggs, a stick of butter, and sour cream in it, but oh, it is good, and to my mom and to me, it tastes like home.

Quick and Easy Chocolate Cake by Hershey’s

4 bars (4 oz. unsweetened baking chocolate, broken into pieces) (I substitute 3/4 c. cocoa & 4 Tbsp. additional butter)
1/4 c. butter
1 2/3 c. boiling water
2 1/3 c. all-purpose flour
2 c. sugar
1/2 c. dairy sour cream
2 eggs
2 tsp. baking soda
1 tsp. salt
1 tsp. vanilla extract

Heat oven to 350 F. Grease and flour 13x9x2-inch baking pan.

In large bowl, place chocolate, butter and boiling water, with spoon, stir until chocolate is melted and mixture is smooth. Add flour, sugar, sour cream, eggs, baking soda, salt and vanilla; beat on low speed of electric mixer until smooth. Pour batter into prepared pan.

Bake 35 to 40 min. or until wooden pick inserted in center comes out clean. Cool completely in pan on wire rack. Frost as desired. We always have it just with whipped cream. Maybe strawberries.

Owen and I are moving to the Netherlands soon, where I hear birthdays are extremely important. I hope to have lots of opportunity to make this cake, and see what I can do to gluten and egg replace so that my husband can eat it.

Purple tastes delicious.

So we decided that it would be a great idea to make a dinner of all purple ingredients. Because purple is a fantastic color. Because purple foods are often the cooler versions of normal foods (like cabbage or potatoes, even onions.) And because doing it sounded like a really fun plan. So here is how we did it, so you can make your own purple meal if you like.

We diced up three little purple potatoes and three big beets. Peeled the beets, washed the potatoes, coated them with olive oil and roasted them at 400 degrees, stirring every 10-15 minutes until they were tender.

We browned some ground beef (not purple, we know), drained it, sauteed a purple onion (also diced and then added the beef, some salsa (also not purple, but delicious) and a drained, rinsed can of black beans, (sort of purple) and a can of refried black beans (more purple), with some little shavings of beet, to make everything look more purple. Add cayenne and cumin to taste. We stirred that up til everything was hot and well mixed and vaguely purple.

We cooked half of a purple cabbage just in water in a pan until it was softer, very dark purple, and still a little bit crunchy.

Then we mixed the roasted root vegetables, the taco-y stuff and the cabbage in bowls together and ate it with blue corn chips. And it was beautiful and amazingly delicious. We thought about finishing off with a mixed berry smoothie, but none of us felt like it after all the deliciousness.
 
We're already scheming for our next color meal. Green? Perhaps with a spinach pasta, a salad with avocado, a fruit salad with kiwi fruit, green grapes and granny smith apples? Or orange with butternut squash, carrots, sweet potatoes, oranges, and perhaps a pumpkin pie or something for dessert? Wouldn't this be great to do with kids? I know of a lot of kids who only like white foods. Like Bread. Or Rice. Or mashed potatoes. Wouldn't it be great to start them early and cook lots of colorful foods? Have a week of color meals? Or every once in a while just have a purple meal?

At Labyrinth we sell a lot of beautiful cookbooks, many of which seem to be as much about the photography as they are about the food. One in particular is arranged by color and is called "Ripe" and goes through fruits and vegetables at their peak of ripeness, and gives one recipe for each ingredient. It's sort of a funny book, self-indulgently beautiful, and more expensive than I think is necessary, but it is nice to look at, and makes me want to cook more intensely colorful meals.

Life in the Darkness and Thankfulness

I keep saying that I should write some more about our little electric lights fast for advent. It's an idea we copied from the influence of the professors Lipscomb at Houghton college, who fasted all lights but candle light (and string lights for the tree) in their home throughout the season of advent. My friends and I were all pretty impressed, and some of the guys decided to do it in their house their senior year in college. This past advent was the first year that I've lived in a place where candles are allowed, and since I was living with two good friends from Houghton we all decided to go for it, and to use the time to reflect on the coming of Christ, as light in our darkness.

Living that metaphor was a beautiful experience in many ways. Candles are a nice calming light, and many of them smell nice, and sitting in the darkness together singing hymns and carols is really fun. But a lot of this experience was tough. Because we all work full time jobs, we often didn't see any daylight in our apartment, and rising early in the morning to get dressed by candlelight or attempting to cook by candlelight are both pretty frustrating experiences. It was also hard on our minds and hearts. The gloom could get pretty oppressive, hard to wake up, hard to be cheerful, hard to accomplish any small task. As Advent progressed the days got shorter, but we also added more light in our lives. We got more candlesticks, got a tree covered in light (which glowed like no tree in my memory), and the last week of advent, put up a row of string lights in the kitchen. Every time we added light in our lives there was so much delight, and we'd break out in exclamations like, "Christ is coming!" And now that Christmas is past, the light is something we are constantly thankful for. The electricity, the convenience, the brightness of being able to see each other, and find the keys or the wallet or the book we were reading without worrying about dripping wax. Thankful for so much.

Though thankfulness is nothing new in our house. As a graduation present, friends from my church back home gave me Selections from 1000 Gifts by Ann Voskamp. I had liked her blog in the past but I devoured her little book, and it made me want our apartment this year to be defined by thankfulness. So even before we had found an apartment, before we had a wall, we were thinking of having a "wall of thankfulness" to put up things we are thankful for. So we have a wall (or now going on three walls) covered with sticky notes, all things we're thankful for. Some items of thanksgiving are huge things: Creativity. Another chance. Stillness. Some are still broad, but less abstract: Cookbooks. Hymns. Sunshine. Letters. Leftovers. Lots are people we're thankful for: Shane and Clara here in our home! Families we love. wonderful coworkers. Parents. T. S. Eliot. Some sticky notes have stories which make us laugh a lot. We have a trio of notes all of which voice our thankfulness for butter. They read: "Butter." "Butter." and "BUTTER nomnomnomnomnomnomnom." And the story behind those three is as follows. One evening I saw Rebekah wrote the word "butter" on a sticky note, and thought "yes! we are all thankful for butter!" but instead of putting it on the wall she put in on her lunch bag to remind herself not to forget the butter she was going to take to work in the morning. So I wrote a "butter" thankfulness note, and when Rebekah had successfully reminded herself, she added hers on the wall right next to mine. When our friends Clara and Shane came to visit they loved that we had two "butter" post its, and added a third, with the appropriate commentary to go with it.

Here are some other posts from our wall in no particular order, though one should note that since we have the wall of thankfulness in the kitchen there are more food related thanksgivings than might be there otherwise. Yarn shops. Laughing together. The means of grace. Hyperbole and a Half. Using a blowtorch. Humor of the Wardwells. Sleep. Curry. Reading out loud. The money to pay for car repairs. Unexpected food at work! Abigail. Changing gender stereotypes. The internet. Free public bathrooms. Classic Christmas movies. Jenn and Joey. A wonderful grad school experience. Pomegranate. Mumford and Sons. The ability to see. Cassie. The color of the sky after a hurricane. Diner breakfasts. Kind Clara who leaves the parking spot for me. Kind Rebekah who leaves the parking spot for me--on the same night. :) Three tissue soup. Agape love. The purple tool kit. Lights. Hot showers. HUGE PILE OF KALE! Stars. Sanctification. Pandora. The Library. Bagels. Pre-marital counseling. Disinfectant wipes. The month of November. Silhouettes. Owen. Tabletop campfires. The hierarchy of adverbs. Returned wallets. Birthdays and friends who celebrate together. The cookie press. Forgiveness. Bouquets for Rebekah! Christmas bonus. Little brothers. FYHP. Phone lines and the people who make them work. Chloe. Apple crisp. Sundays: a day of rest. Chocolate. Alarm clocks. Letter from Anonymous PEGs. Classes that made us think and changed who we are today. A new toilet. Sharon Creech's novels. Grilled vegetables and pesto. Spiced cider. Love.

Happy New Year!

I used to write “update emails” to all my friends and relations. I wrote them in London, and I’ve written some since Houghton, but I think I am going to morph over to other means of communication, which brings you all to this blog. Here is the Christmas update letter of blogposts, covering a great deal of ground, and hopefully telling some good stories along the way.

Spring

photo by Woods Pierce

This past spring I wrote thesis, worked with the beautiful and talented Linden to design and construct the world of our production of All’s Well that End’s Well, including but not limited to making a giant pop-up book as the set for the play. It was pretty intense, and I’ve never been more proud of a production so if you’d like to read a lot more about that I recommend you check out our blog allswellindesign.blogspot.com. I also finished all my coursework for my second masters degree, an MFA in Shakespeare and Performance, and all in one month All’s Well went into performance, I took a very intense acting class (last class of graduate school) my dear friends got married, I finished up my job in the Program for the Exceptionally Gifted and I graduated. All of these were pretty emotional experiences, and all involved tears, except for finishing up PEG. I was an RA, you see, so I needed to hold it together for the girls. But we had some really special times right at the end in the PEG dorm. During finals week in PEG we always plan one activity each day for the “loud hour” study break in the evening. One of the last days of finals week, one of the girls had suggested we should make a blanket fort, and so we made the largest most amazing blanket and furniture fort ever. It spanned the entire common room, used about 15 sheets and blankets, two tables on their sides, a couch, rope, scarves and I brought homemade cookies down for us to eat inside of it, and it turned into a sing along of “I’ll make a man out of you” and various showtunes. That brings me to the end of spring, but lest you think I ended my time in PEG in May continue reading for the adventures in the summer!

Summer

photo by Pat Jarrett

I made a visit home after graduation, three weeks or so, but still very short, including a trip to Houghton and some lovely time getting invited over and over for tea or for lunch or for a walk up the hill. I may not know a single student there anymore, but I know the hills and the buildings, and I know the professors and it is such a joy to have professors caring so much about their students long after they’ve graduated. The rest of my time at home was spent visiting with family and friends, and before long I was back to Staunton for the American Shakespeare Center Theater Camp! I have written pages and pages about this camp which you can read here, but for now let it suffice to say, working for that camp is an honor and a privilege. Those young artists are just brimming with potential, potential they realize every day in that camp. I cannot say enough good things about the work they do or the experiences they have, but I am very, very proud of every one of them.

And then.... I got engaged. There’s a few days between the two camps, and in those few days I went to visit Owen in Princeton. It was the evening before my birthday, and after a long tiring day in the car I got to him, we went on a walk, and that was that, and it was lovely. The next day was my birthday, so we had many, many, many people wishing us well. I had known that Owen and I would be really happy, but I hadn’t realized that so many people would be so happy for us both. It was pretty special. And, in case you were wondering, the ring belonged to Owen’s grandmother, and it’s really, really beautiful. Random strangers frequently tell me how much they like it, and it’s nice to say “it’s his grandmother’s ring.”

After the second session of ASCTC, I moved to New Jersey, home of the everlasting strip malls, terrible drivers and many people very dear to my heart. When I moved I did not have a car, a job or a place to live, and thanks to the generosity of Rebekah, her family, and some new friends Jenn and Joey, I was able to have housing and transportation while I found a car, a job and Rebekah, Abigail and I found a place to live.

Fall

In the Fall (or late summer, however you like it) I began working at Labyrinth Books in Princeton, NJ. I work walking distance from Owen’s apartment, and although being a bookseller is not my life goal, it is an excellent job for the year, a job that I enjoy, but that I do not need to take home with me, and am able to get involved in my church, spend time with Owen and my housemates and adjust to life as a grown-up, commuting to work, earning a paycheck, paying off school loans. Other highlights of the fall were a trip to Rheinbeck Sheep and Wool festival (which you can read about here) and our experiences with Hurricane Sandy. We were all fine, and didn’t sustain any damage, although we were out of electricity for about 4 days. Our stove runs on gas, so we were able to cook, and it was cold enough outside that our food stayed refrigerated on our balcony. Mostly it was a time with all of us (Owen stayed with us in our apartment) being together, playing Settlers by candlelight, singing hymns and reading Shakespeare out loud together. Not too different from regular life, just a bit more gratitude. Speaking of gratitude! One of the happiest parts of our house is the “Wall of Thankfulness” which is a wall (and now more than one wall) which we are covering with post-it notes, each saying something we are thankful for. It’s been such a joy to have around us as we eat and work together.

Winter

Which brings me to winter. Highlights have included housemate Rebekah’s chorus concert in which her students sang beautifully, and the auditorium was packed full of parents, friends, family, all eager to cheer their kids on. As a house we decided to fast electric lights, and go with only candles, and eventually string lights. That was an adventure that deserves its own post, but suffice to say, living out a metaphor of advent, of waiting in the darkness for the light of Christ was really painful and meaningful. I also spent my first Christmas away from my own parents, and with my parents-to-be! I spent all the surrounding days working at the bookstore, so I just had the one full day to be with Owen's family, but it was a wonderful day, and I'm growing to love them all more all the time.

Let me finish out by saying a few more things about Owen, and why I am full to overflowing with the joy of getting to marry him. Perhaps it is the brute strength of his gentleness. Perhaps his delight in the world around him and his eagerness to learn about it - the name of those clouds, the vein structure of this leaf, the tastes of new foods, and the history of places or ideas. Perhaps it is his mind--so quick, so skilled in making connections or seeing patterns, for a math lemma or the stitch sequence for a knit lace, a sharp mind paired with a generous, patient attitude towards sharing his knowledge, sharing the skills to making connections oneself. At his last class teaching this semester at Princeton his students applauded him and all said they were sad his class was ending. Not a class full of math kids. Not people particularly interested in the subject outside of that class, just loving it as Owen teaches it. Maybe part of the joy is the pleasure of doing things together with him, be it chopping vegetables for dinner, going on a trip to the museum in Philly (with crayons!) or just being in the same car. A couple years ago, he and I decided to draw an apple each day for 100 days, inspired by the Sharon Creech book Heartbeat. As we drew those apples the drawings started getting better. Partially because we improved with practice, but only partially. The apples started looking more beautiful in our pictures because we saw them as more beautiful, just by the act of seeing. Every day there was more to admire, the combination of colors, the texture of the speckles, the curve of the sides of the fruit or the little bit of the stem. It’s the same as loving Owen. I don’t just love him better now (now that I know him better, and have figured out better how to love) I love him more, because day by day I know more of him to love.

Happy New Year everyone.